So alot has happended since my last post. ALOT. So lets start from the top. A, I was recently promoted at Apple and am making good money now, it gets even better then that though. By August I will be full time with another raise, and there are a few other great cavets included in that, but I cannot publicly talk about them yet. I get to go to Cupertino this month, which is Apple HQ for training. I cannot wait.

Also, I am graduating college on the 19th of July, I then start my vacation, spending it at Comic Con, then going to Vegas the weekend after that. Have a bunch of concerts to go to, Hawaii later this fall, and a year of no school until I start my Masters.

Not much more to say then that, liven the life, hard and reaching the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally all my hard work is paying off, and it feels great. worken

Yes I am alive, in a sense. At this point, and since December, I have been working two jobs (well actually since August, but now one of those jobs is different) and finishing up my degree. Currently I work at Starbucks in the morning and Apple in the later part of the day. I started at apple right before xmas as a mac specialist, and now after only a month and half, I am a Creative GYO (Grow your own). Basically that means I am being paid my Mac Specialist wage while being a Creative, its like a paid internship. But now that I am a Creative GYO, once they have openings for a full Creative, they promote from my group, so I am only one step away. So instead of wondering the floor answering question, doing sales and fixing Ipods I now do one hour one-one sessions with customers teaching them how to use a mac, iphoto, imovie, garage band, mail, address book and anything mac related. Its a great job that gives me much enjoyment and fulfillment. I guess within three months I will be full time making decent money, and best thing is they send me to Cupertino when I get promoted for a week of more training (they pay for everything). So yeah, I am loving Apple and hating starbucks (well i love my co-workers, most of them).

Outside of work, I finish school by summer and will focus on my GRE so I can start grad school in the fall of 09 (i need a break). My relationship is doing great as ever, and obivously, since I work like a mother fucker (usually 12 hours a day), money is not as a huge issue as before, which is always great, I mean I am only 600 in debt, but its debt that is paid regularly every month, so no big deal (lets not talk about school loans though -.-).

As far as my social life goes, I have started to go out with co-workers from both camps, and it has made me realize how much I miss having a social life. The greatest thing is that most the apple people I work with have very, very, simillar tastes in all aspects of life (as in culture, music, movies) as I do, so I when I get exicted about some new indie movie or band, the chances are high someone I work with knows what I am speaking of or they at least check it out, and then love it. Though there are some friends I would like to reconnect with. But other then that, my over all mood has been hovering around content, thanks mostly to working at Apple, it helps me not think about the fact that I am still far away from starting my teaching career... oh well...one day

by the way...to anyone who likes good music and also liked The Postal Service check out this band, they blow Postal Service out of the water (i still love you ben gibbard)

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=2907300

So yeah I am alive. As of now I am working at Starbucks and Apple Store in fashion valley as a mac specialist. I am trying my hardest to get promoted into a full time position as a Mac Creative, that would be someone who does one on one training sessions in the Ilife apps or just how to use a Mac and the operating system in general (along with the iphone and iworks and logic and such). If I get that, I will be the worlds happiest man. I am already teaching a workshop on Garage band, a music making and mixing application that comes with Ilife (for those of you people who know nothing of mac). I am going to teach myself appature as well, since I spent so many years using Photoshop.

So being that I am working two jobs (roughly about 50+ hours a week), and am stil finishing my degree (this year...I will be done in June...sweet) I have not seen anyone. But no one really seems to care about that. Dont think I am surprised or hurt, because I am not, it has just reaffirmed all my pre-conviced notions about the whole friends situation. Granted there have been a few who have attempted to hang out and they are obivously not included in this statement. But once I ended one friendship for what I see as justifable reasons, I knew and it happended, that I would be forcefully ejected from the group. It's not surprising, and in all honesty, it is only upon refelection that I even think of it. That is just how busy I am, and by the time I finally am able to slow down my life, it wont matter anymore because I have already started to build a new group of friends intermixed between starbucks and apple (the A-crew). That and I always have my girlfriend.

Other then that, I am turning 26 in less then a week, I get to see Cirque De at del mar, hopefully I will buy the tickets to the Mars Volta show (I MUST SEE THIS), I will aqquire my iphone by months end, purchase Time Capusle and a HD 32 inch TV with tax return and by summer I will have my degree and switch out my Sentra 06 for a 07 Scion TC. All will be good...hopefully...the future freaks me out...no really I am not just quoting Motion City Soundtrack...it really does

Peace out and rock out

.... is sicken. I have been feeling this way for quite some time, though I haven't taken the time to write my feelings on the matter. As I get closer to the highly elusive college degree (a few months now), I have been taking more online courses (since they are all GE classes). These online history classes focus more on contemporary issues as they arose during their respective times, in addition to that I am currently taking my Cultural Diversity class as required by the University. So with all the information and debates that have been happening in those areas coupled with the countless news articles I have been reading I have become disgusted with my beloved country. Now don't get me wrong, I love where I live and am extremely luck to have been born here, but that is just the thing. I WAS LUCK, to have been born in Santee, and luck to have been born a white male. If you ever want to have the best odds of making it in life, be born white, in America, and if you can be born into a rich suburb, and you will be set for life. But that aside, what I am most disgusted with is my Government. I only call it "my" Government for its mine be definition and the Social Contract Theory. But here is the thing, this "Social Contract" is a two way contract, and for the past 8 years (well even longer if you consider other Governmental agencies besides the White House involved in this), the other party has been grossly violating it. "They", do not serve our needs. How can we expect them too? How is a room full of millionaires (i am not exaggerating here, 86% of the Senate is comprised of Millionaires), to be expected to understand what we want, or even listen to us? Would it not be human nature for them to serve their own needs? If that is so, what recourse is built into the system to fix this? Democratic accountability is nonexistent. We live in a nation run by politicians who are quick to impeach a President for lying about cheating on his wife, but yet we currently have a President who has suspended Habies Corpus, violated the privacy of all of his citizens, robbed us of our money for war the majority of the Public doesn't believe in ( and in my opinion was fucking stupid as shit for ever believing in it in the first place), and a President who condemns Theocracies in the middle east, but in the same fucking breath imposes Christian values on a nation that is the most religious diverse in the entire World. Yet no one has a problem with this, they don't think he is deserving of being prosecuted as a criminal? What because he is not a minority and didn't rob a 711, no instead he is inciting World War 3 with Iran which would cost the lives of more people then the victims of every minority or poor related crime combined.
So what get attention instead, Paris Hilton going to prison and then getting out (which apparently deserves attention of Larry King, you fucking sell out), Brittany shaving her hair, or fucking Lindsay Lohan going in and out of Rehab, or the most important story of the fucking year, WHO FATHERED THE FAT FUCK ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S LOVE CHILD....are you fucking kidding me America? Are you that stupid, I say you are not, but apathy to this extent is almost the same as plain stupidity in my book. Granted it's not entirely your fault, media and news is controlled by a select few companies who all shove the same, fake, scripted version of reality they want you to see down your throats as they convince you that the only way you can show your significant other you love them is by buying a diamond that is over priced by a factor of 100 and has put a whole nation into some of the bloodiest wars in man kind (amputee camps is all I need to say on that).
Bush and his Neo-Con cronies go on TV and news Outlets and say that the biggest threat to democracy is terrorism. Funny, I always thought Terrorism was a tactic not an actual enemy, but then again, Bush was only a C student who drank his way through college. No the biggest enemy to democracy world wide is us. We are supposed to be the World's sole superpower, but how do we chose to use it? We spend trillions of dollars, tens of thousands of lives to "instill" democracy in a country that is torn by a battle that has been going on since the death of the Prophet Mohammed, while we have an over 10% poverty rate in America, and that is based on a ridiculously made up poverty line (something like 15,000 for a basic household). FUCK, I don't even make much and I live on my own and barley make it by. We have the number one cause of Bankruptcy being medical bills due to a high percentage of US Citizens being uninsured. But hey, Private health insurance is the best right, it produces the best quality, but only for those who can afford it, after all, who needs healthy poor people running around...am I right...eh eh... -.- How sicken is it when people who work in the Health Care industry cant even afford FUCKING HEALTH CARE.
I work at a Starbucks where I run into hookers and homeless people almost hourly. Most of the homeless are either mentally off balance or addicted to meth, but hey it was due to their poor decisions right? Wrong, sure in some cases that is correct, but that is a statement that can only be made in a society that is truly built on "equal opportunity", and ours, sorry to break this to you, is most definitely not. Just look at yourself, that is if you are middle class and white like me, and compare yourself to someone you might've met who was raised in lets say La Jolla or Del Mar. Someone who never had to work a job that's sole purpose was to pay for bills. They didn't have to work 'til they graduated college, and by then their first job was their career. They never had to experience working two jobs, living paycheck to paycheck while writing papers and worrying about how many hours of sleep they will get or if they can fill up their gas tank tomorrow. Take that down a notch and compare yourself to a family of four, where both parents are working two full time jobs, and still cant manage to buy a house, let alone feed their fucking family or have a car. Their kids are sent to a public school with no official doctor for the students, outdated text books (I worked at Escondido High School district and they are using Textbooks I used in high school, which would mean they are using decade old books), and where their kids share a room with 40 other students and the teacher worked their asses off to get a contract job in which they barley make 45 a year and probably have the same in loans. No instead, America would rather concern themselves with the well being of Paris, the selfish slut, Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. My stepbrothers girlfriend actually tried to defend the behavior of Paris Hilton and her multiple DUI's (which by the way if you are normal person would ruin your life and set you back decades). I was disgusted, I cannot even fathom anyone using their intelligence to defend such a person. We care more about those who do nothing to contribute to society but look down on those who clean our facilities or make sure we see our doctor on time. It's fucking disgusting.

America and my government, you fucking disgust me, get your shit together, we cannot last forever, Rome was filled with more highly intelligent and innovative thinkers then our own government has had in decades and their golden age only lasted a hundred years, in fact I am willing to argue we left our golden age as soon as the Cold War started.

People wonder why I have anger issues more and more...just read the news or read anything said by our government and tell me how you remain so complacent...

There are so many things I want just want to yell out in some long windend emo rant. Most of it has been said before. People contiuning to judge based on archaic sterotypes in relation to gender rules. People not taking into conisderation the feelings of those they contiune to verbal berate and or put down, whether they think its in good fun or not. I am pretty sure at this point, my discontent with this mode of treatment is very obivous, but yet no one cares, and now the insults are getting more personal, and the other side is starting to see them as more funny. This no longer seems like innocent put downs, these are now aimed at the personality trates that make me who I am. The traits I actually take pride in. That is saying alot, it took me a long time to develop a self-image I am pleased with, and now it seems my friends are not. What does this mean? They are not my friends, as my girlfriend put it. That is the one conclusion that has always been in my mind, but one I never wanted to say (or type in this instance). I dont like confronation, but you know what, I dont like being made to feel that I should feel like shit for who I am. I am done.

I have a wonderful girlfriend, and new job that is actually going to be fuffilling and within a month, my money issues will no longer be a source of stress. I will actually expendenle income.

Night all. Have to be at work early.

I trully have been negelcting my LJ for quite some time and its not because my life has been uneventful. Just lacking emoness (we all know how much I love my emo). What I am dealing with now is a true geniue problem. Anger and Anxiety. My anger is getting out of control, so much that it has me worried, and I end up with a headache almost every day. This is something that never used to happen. Wether its due to drivers on the road (this is the majority, something that prior to a year ago, I had a much higher tolerence but now its getting seriously unhealthy), and many other small things that should not be affecting me as much as they are. There are times where I actually feel like I have no control and could just beat someone at any moments notice.

I wont even pretend to hypothize what the causes are, I will leave to that the therapist, that is when I finally get my ass to go to one.

As far as other things in my life, well school will rap up in May with me having my BA in History. I will either end up at SDSU for Grad studies or National Univeristy for the same thing (SDSU is my preference). As far as my relationship, it is going strong as ever, but If I dont deal with my new personal problem any time soon, that may not be the case. That is something I wont let happen, not a chance in high hell.

So last week I finally got to see "Once". What a nice little gem that movie was. It is a modern musical, or as the movie reviewers say ( and I agree), its our generatations musical, or for those of you who actually have real taste in music. The style of the music is folk (the guy) and the girl sings like that of Emilini Torrini. The movie was absolutley amazing. A fairytale with a realistic ending, shot in low budget with what I assume is a hand cam. The soundtrack is an album all on its own, but after seeing the movie, the soundtrack is elevated to a whole new level. This is a must see for all music lovers, or indie movie lovers, or anyone with any sort of taste.

Other then that, life is actually kinda blah. I haven't done anything worthy of boasting about this whole summer. Its sad, no AX, no vacation, no leaving town. Its the first time in over five years that this is the case, and I think that is part of the reason why I am sorta down. I have not had my annual recharge, and I desperatley need it. It doesn't matter if the year has gone well or bad, I this week out of town is a must. It revitialitizes me, lets me refocus on what I need to take care of, and leaves me wanting to go back home. I am being sucked in by the monintunity of life, an endless chain of what seems to be emotionless events, one after another (yeah that was too emo, sorry.)

Oh and one other thing, I have concluded that the news has gotten to the point where I can no longer read it, even the BBC. Everything I read just either depresses me or fills me with so much anger that I have to stop reading. This is why I think reality TV is so huge (besides the fact that it appeals to the lowest common demnomator). It is a distraction from reality (how ironic I know, but we all know these shows are scrippted, they are so comfartable with doing it that the producers dont even try to hide it anymore, its really that bad).

One final thing, I find myself seriously lacking friends these days, or losing contact with friends that I enjoyed talking to. This saddens me greatly, it may just be the nature of life, but I would like to think its something I can remedy. Lets hope so. Because I think the current friends I have, or the ones who I see with any sort of frequencey no longer see me as an equal and the signs are only getting worse). Anyways,

I hope life is treating all of you well, I really do ^_^

So its been a while since I have updated this thing, or any of my blogs for that matter. These past few months have been some of the most stressful ones of my entire life. I finally realized this as I started to get sick when the stress was subsiding last week, in addition to this my temper is getting very bad, and anger issues are starting to rise...no bueno.

So bad things of the summer:
Transfer stores and still have a shitty manager
Car Stolen (but found)
Found out not graduating til Feb
Money Issues

Good things:
Transformers
Live free or die hard
Transformers (hell yeah it was that fucking awesome)
New Iron and Wine single
the days i get to see my girlfriend (even though they are rare this summer)
Money issues being resvoled (so close...i am quite proud i was able to take care of everything in a short few months)
Summer Pop/Punk Albums (PlayRadioPlay, All Time Low, The Starting Line, Motion City Soundtrack, Cartel...Warped Tour)

Other then that I dont have much else to report. My relationship is still going strong (wont be ending any time soon), school is well, I just need to start grad school (Fall 08' baby). Work is well, i just need to last til i start grad school and quit ( cant wait for that day). There are something I want to do before the year ends, but unless i find another job, it may prove difficult to accomplish them.

Peace Out

First off lets all read this statement .

"As a result of his appointment, she said, the US would resume diplomatic contacts with the Palestinians, suspended since Hamas came to power after winning elections in January 2006." (BBC News).

Amazing, that the USA, the biggest Democratic goverment in the world, who preaches that they are the vangard for promotion democracy in the Middle East, refuse to acknowlgde a goverment that was chosen via popular vote. It angers me beyond belief, along with many other things I have read over the past months, and the Presidental debates (both Rep and Dem). Its all so angering to me I can no longer rant about it.

That aside, here are my future plans for school after talking to someone who is helping me out.

Masters Thesis (at SDSU)-- The role of Religon (Mainly Christianty and Islam) in Genocide.

PhD Thesis--- A compartive historical study of genocide in three different instances (Rwanda, Darfur, Serbia) post Holocaust and the International Genvova convention on Genocide.

Dont have much more to say as of now.

Peace out

I am now carless...my fucking car was stolen this morning right in front of my house...what did i lose in the process...My ipod (hidden in the center counsole), my new 130 dollar white blazer from Express, boogie board and board shorts. So now I have to wait for the insurance to write a check so i can get a new car...lame

Maybe now I can get my Scion TC .... *sigh*

I saw five minutes of this show and I instantly became infurated. The basic premise is that two parents have a child who is with someone the parents do not like. So each parent choses a new person for their child to go out on a date with, while the child is still with their current partner. The whole while the child's partner is watching each date as it happens.

Basically this show is promoting infidelity, and is teaching people the worst way to approach a very real problem... Ones parents not likiing the people their children date. It sicking. Whats worse ?? In the sence I saw, the child was on a date with some guy, and they started making out...while her current b/f was watching, and the father was happy. If I had been the b/f, I would've walked out on that relationship the mintue i heard about the show, but obivously he is just as much to blame as the parents...who dont seem to grasp basic morals or relationship related commen sense. I had to change the channel for I felt the sudden urge to grab a baseball bat and beat the shit out of all them. I am not kidding, I actually felt very very very angry. It's a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. I just cant grasp how people would do this, even for money. People have no respect for human emtions anymore. If this show and others like it are any sign of the direction mainstream society is going in, well then I dont want any part in society, for its sicking.

In other news, I saw the Indie flick "The Motel". This movie is on DVD, and I urge all to rent it. It was funny in subtle ways, and for me, it had a personal siginficance. One that hit me very hard at the end of the movie, leaving me in tears....the funny thing was the last sence had no words, and it was one of the most moving sences/ending to a movie I have ever seen. I strongly, strongly urge this movie to anyone, especially those that might have had issues with their mother while growing up.

So this past sunday I saw Mono in concert again...for the second time. It had been about two years since I had last seen Mono, and it was just as powerful. As soon as they started playing "Ode to days", which was the first song they played at their last show, I was instantly remeberd why I am in love with this genre so much, and more specifically them. Dont get me wrong, I cant get enough of Red Sparowes, Explosions in the Sky, Pelican and the others, but Mono has something speical about them, their sound eases my soul and offers me a gateway to somewhere much better then the present reality I reside in. But this show was much better then the last for one reason....

World's End Girlfriend. A one man spectacle that would leave any music lover in complete awe. It was his first tour outside of Japan, and I am extremely happy that I was able to see him perform. He is like Jimmy Lavelle (The Album Leaf) on crack. The man is a genius and has to be the perfect example of the evolution of classical music and where it is going in the next era. His music is extremely choatic but then right when you think are you completly lost, a heavnly melody composed of violins and pianos rescues you, but as you basque in the bliss that is string instrumentals, he doesn't let you forget that the current reality you live in is actually choatic and sometimes scary, and he does this by using synths, loops, and his mad guitar skills. In conclusion, this man tugs at all your emtions, describing reality, both the one we live in, and the one we wished we lived in, through music without uttering a single word, expect for those roboticish and synthed out female vocal saying random words in japanese. It must be one of the best things my ears have ever had the pleasure of heaering. As of this very moment, World's End Girlfriend is the best peace of music I have ever heard, and that is saying a whole lot, for those of you that have had the misforturne of hearing me rant about music know, I listen to a very wide range of music. This man is that fucking amazing.

How he is able to compose such complicated tracks is beyond me. Half of the sounds and loops are things I could never think up nor think would appear in a song, the same goes for the arrangements and mix's he does between traditional classical and minimalistic synth loops. The man is amazing. As soon as I can I will upload a track, for his work is impossible to find on the internet.

So I was in a wedding this weekend. My step brother got married, so I was a groomsmen. It was the first time I have been in a wedding since my mom's, which was like 10 years ago. So it was a little different this time round. In the end it was fun. But the reason it was fun was due to my amazing girlfriend. It was like a formal dance for us, well once the receptioin started that is. I was all dressed up in a tux, and she was in an amazing dress, had her hair and makeup done. I dont think I have had that much fun in a very long time. Best part of the whole night was...the fact that my feelings for her are now mutal (as in she returned the sentement i gave to her a few months back).

Not much else to say right now as I am about to go to work...which I no longer like. Peace out

..

Amazing how such a paradox can exist, but it does. Mainly due to the multi-faced feature of our lives. Basically I was told this week I will not be graduating in July like I thought, for my waiver to not take four, lower divison history classes which are the GE equivlant of the year and half's worth of Upper Divison History courses I have already taken. I now have to take all four, this utterly pisses me off and ruins things. Though I can still apply for Grad School entry in the fall of 08', as long as I graduate before the first day of class, which will not be a problem. Though, the thought of grad school brings up a new problem in my life, one I did not think I would have to deal with at all.

The relationship I am in now is more then I could've ever hoped for, I have truly never been so happy in my life. I don't want to go a day without being with her, and every minute I spend with her is amazing and fun. Both of use acknowldge that our relationship will be one of substance and last a while, neither of us have any intention of breaking up at all (always a good thing, and this is usually the case in most relationshp, or so we would hope), and we are always planning things far out in the future, like outings and vacations and such. This is something I have never experienced, for I never was in a relationship that I was conifdent knowing it would last a while. More imporantly, I have never had a g/f tell me "I knew this relatioship would last a long time from the start", at least from a g/f who I was completely in to. Do I see myself going all the way with this one? Granted its a little too early for that, but I would not rule it out. For one, I do not wish to contiune doing the dating game, its tired me out. But back to the possible problem at hand. Where do I apply to grad school?

I will be applying to schools out of state, and out of my city. Orignally I never intended on staying in SD for my Phd. I wanted to get out, as most of you know. But now that has changed. I will apply to SDSU, but what if I get into a much better program out of the area? We already talked about how if I get into UCI we would maintain a relationship, but further then that, I know I wouldn't be able to do a long distance relationship. Not a chance in hell, not when I like her as much as I do. So I am faced with that problem, but for now I put it in the back of my head, because it is not reality quite yet, nor worth worrying over. I am having too much fun right now my g/f to care too much about that.

I mean shit, she buys me 12 packs of Dr Pepper, what more could i seriously ask in a g/f.

ps..I was debating wether or not to show the little wallpaper i made for her using my leet ps skills (for those of you who are not geeks, my awesome PHotoshop skills, which was said with a hint of sarcaism), but I decided not to, for I think most of you would impale me.

Today was a good day for me. Actually as of late, with the exception of work, life has been on the up and up. My relationship couldn't be any better, or rather at this point in time it, I couldn't ask for more then could be expected. Within the next few months I will know for sure if I walk on July 8th. I am pretty sure I will, its down to getting one more class sign up for, and hoping my CASS waiver for some classes goes through. I will finish in september, so naturally my graduation party wont happen til my last final, dispite the fact I actually walk in July. I am okay with that, because after 7 years, my BA is actually in sight, and I couldn't be happier. More imporantly, I am actually proud of myself. Essentially I pushed myself and kept myself going.

Today I went to Balboa Park, all the museums were free today. I had to go for class, but I really wanted to see the Annie Leibwitz exhibit. I am glad I did. The rest of the class went to the museum of art over the weekend, I visited Mengai and saw some awesome 3rd and 4th century BCE artifacts from Kazistahn and some other great things. The Timkin Gallery, which is always free, had some amazing paintings. Some of the works rivial ones I saw in The Louve. Now for what brings on this post. In all of Leibwitz's pictures, there were two that stoud out. Anyone who knows me and has seen the exhibit would most defeintly be able to point them out. They were side by side, one was about 11x14 the other 20x24. The first was taken in Saverjo. It was a haunting black and white picture of a tricyle and blood splattered on the street next to the fallen bike. The kid who was riding it died in the care with the photographer on the way to the hospital. This was caused by a mortar round. For those of you who dont know, Saverjo is where Kosvo is. The second one, was a huge picture of a wall with bloody foot prints. It was taken inside a school house in Rwanda. Both of these pictures had no human subject, but the point got accross. They were stunning. Now the reason why I bring this up is because in class, my class mates said they did not care for the pictures and they prefered the pictures of the actors, such as Brad Pitt or Johny Depp. This solidified my next statement. That is the general attiude of American Citizens. When it comes to real pictures of global acts of violence agaisn't the innocent or other people, they would rather turn on something about Ann Nicole Smith. As made evident by the massive, even ridicoulus coverage by all main News Outlits. The fact of the matter is, America is not used to it. The rest of the world is forced to see it, face to face, on a daily basis. It is their reality. We would rather see these images in movies, in which in the back of our mind, we know is just hollywood doing its thing. Its sad really. People see these images, real ones, and just walk away, as if they are actually disgusted at the fact that someone even took the picture. Ignorance is bliss, but at the same time, to chose to remain ignorant because it hurts is a crime. This was just something that popped into my head after hearing what paintings or pictures stood out to my class mates. Most of them were superfical in nature. Though, most of Leibwitiz's work was amazing, even if it was just a portrait shot of Demi Moore pregant, or Deniro sitting on a chair. I really, really enjoyed her work. Though, the one thing that Balboa has comming that has me exicted beyond words. the arrival of the actual, Dead Sea Scrolls. This starts June 9th, at the Natural History Museum (that in itself makes no sense, as they were created by man, but whatever).

Lastly, I recently heard about a remark that was made that well actually had the opposite effect of what my friend who told me thought it would have. Instead of being all pissed off and what not, I actually laughed and was a little confused. When I told my girlfriend and my mom as well, they had simmilar reactions. People trully do amaze me. They proclaim to be one thing, but in reality they are what they find annoying. Irony must be one of the greatest outcome of human behavior. That is until you are faced with your own irony.

Peace out

In all of my 25 years on this planet I have not been stupid enough to do what I did today. I have always been wary of the word, and using it. My whole childhood was one in which that word was either used too freely or not at all. I have witnessed a many relationships and people abuse the word, use it when they dont mean it, and even those who mean it still get burnt when they say it. It is one of those rare words in the english vocablary that has this sorta mystic power over us and our lives. At the same time, society today is destroying the power that word has. As Snow Patrol put so perfectly "that four letter word that is used too much and does not say enough".

So did my stupid act have any sort of immediate negative effects, well not that I know of. But the implications it holds for the furture leave me scared shitless. I have offically lost any footing I may have had in the relationship, any sense of security, or personal strength. Why is it that we constantly view relationships as some sort of battle or game? Is it becacuse that deep down we know there will be a point in which we will need to instantly turn around and defend our selfs, protect our feelings and emtional well being. Well any chance of me being in that position has been forfit from here on out. I have effectivly given the other party the tools to completley destroy me. Now I do not forsee that being something I need to worry about. But the problem is, it doesn't have to be intentional for the same result.

Unfortantley I think I am now going to regress, close up, in a frantic effort to regain my footing, diginty, and most imporantly, some sense of security. I am gong to desperatley to pretend as if I never said, dispite what I was feeling at the time. I have honestly screwed myself over.

Peace out

Has been a hard one, actually the past three weeks have. I am not going into the nitty gritty of it, but instead I will lay out the result of these recent events.

Basically all of what has happened and been happening lead to an event, that at first couuld've ended my relationship. But through open communication everthing worked itself out, and it has even (in my opinon) made the relationship stronger and possibly helped move it to the next level. I now know the other person wants us to work just as much as I do, and both parties are willing to work hard for it. This is a first for me, knowing this is a great feeling.

All in all what does it mean, basically A, not only is this already my longest relationship to date, it is my best, most mature, and well awesome. I am pretty sure I am actually falling in love (gasp I used the L word, the word I refuse to use) with this person, and that has me pretty excited.

Now I actually had some huge post in mind that was political in orgin, but I forgot for some reason.

peace out people

ps.... For those of you who didn't make it to my bday and didn't see my awesome (60) dollar haircut (what a surprise that was)

Dear Zant (hearby known as Mega Douche),

I would like you to know that I spent 14, yes count em, 14 hours acquring the three shadow fusion parts, and killing a many annoying insects who happen to make it impossible for me to be human until said task was done. Upon completion of this daunting task, I see your pansy ass steping into view. Now let me list the reasons why you are the Mega Douche

1. You come into sence strollen like some badass in your outfit. Should I let you know you stole that from a solider of the Alexendria army from LAST EXILE you unorignal douche (that army name may be wrong)

2. YOU THINK YOU CAN BITCH SLAP A Light Spirit of Hyrule...who the fuck do you think you are, you twiti rapen bitch.

3. Not only do you have the nerve to bitch slap a Light spirit, you think its funny to turn me back into a Wolf in the relam of light, leaving me to fight some fucking prancing panzie with a makeshift flute who calls out stupid ass puppets...Mega Douche

What does this mean, first I amma bite ya..then I will transform and fucken stab you with my Master Sword after I Mortal Draw your ass...bitch

----------------------------

ps... America...or the Bush Adminstration I should say, who in the fuck do you think you are... you think you can choose not to back a new resolution giving goverments in Africa the power to perscute and punish people who enlish child soliders under the age of 18...BEING THE ONLY NATION TO NOT BACK AT...after being the only non G8 power to not back the Global Emmisons restrection resloution as well. Way to be a Global Leader...Granted the Child Solider Pact may not accomplish what it sets out to right away, it is still a very good precdent and step foward in trying to first acknowldeg and second try to fight a huge huge humantarian and moral issue plaguing Africa and the global community. Way to be a hyporciate oh Adminstration that claims Moral Supriourity but lacks Moral Fortitude. OH CONGRATS

So as I turn 25 (a week ago), and within the past few days I have started to refelect on a ceratin aspect of my life, as I am known to do. It has come to my attention that I have missed out on a huge part of teenage/young adult life. It has a huge part to do with my lack of being part of a "group" or social circle. Because in all honesty I do not belong to a group, nor have I ever, and its in this revelation that much bitterness and sadness follows.

There are always people talking about the crazy times in high school, all the stories of teenage hijinks, parties and other things. Then when getting older, trips to Mexico and other vacation esque stories. I have never once been a part of these, but I can tell you I have heard enough stories of these sort to make up my own story about being at one.

In addition to that, I am left with the feeling of being, well for lack of a better word, unwanted. This is further fueled by what seems to be the only way anyone cares to interact with me, and that is by making fun of me. Their justification, I somehow make it easy and enjoyable. Wow, who would've ever stopped to take into consideration how the other party feels, a novel idea I know, but I guess its to prossive of a notion for people. The other party will always say things like, "you know we dont mean it" and blah blah blah. But that argument makes a dangerous assumption. That the other person is some sort of fucking idiot. For if you interact with someone by poking holes at their personal flaws, then there is intention in what you are saying. Here is another thing that may shock people, if the other party takes this shit for long enough, like lets say, most of their life...its going to start to slowly tear away at their self-image. Especially if they already think they dont belong anywhere. Yeah I know, what a novel idea huh. Basically, it seems as though I will never belong anywhere, though as hard as I try, it just wont happen. I was never there from the begining, at anywhere. It seems to be the reoccuring theme, that and my presence only being wanted so as people can get some sort of sick enjoyment out of contiunusly mocking the shit out of me.

People are my miscase.

ps.... I am so fucking tired and exhausted, and filled with such a high level of anger (why I dont know), that I think I might just snap at someone.

Since when did ones actual birthday suck....Oh yeah I forgot, the notion of having everyone celeberate the day you were born is very ego-centric and selfesh, and even more ridicoulus is the notion that on that actual day, you should have a good day with emense Joy....hahaha Gotta love it.

Anyways, my actual birthday, which was yesterday sucked. I worked from 400 am til 1230pm...came home took a quick nap, headed off to the library to read up on the Civil Warn and all its politics...then went til class til 10pm...went home, slept just to wake up at 330 am to go back to work at 4 am this morning again. Sounds like fun no?? Oh yeah.

Though, my amazing girlfriend took me out the night before my bday and also gave me my presents. I recived a new pair of Jeans (Guess Jeans...YESH), a new Guess Jacket, a homemade card with our picture from dland, a home made cake and Jello (and a case of Dr Pepper). I have the most amazing g/f ever. Friday (the day I celeberate my bday with my Friends at Dave and Busters) will be offically 2 months. This is also the first time I have ever had to actually plan something for Vday (i still say its SAD). Gotta do something good, for I do like this one alot and I belive the feeling is mutal, or I sure do hope so.

Other then that, life is okay, work is getting on my nerves to be honest. I am quickly losing paitence with everything, and well I have already started looking for another job (even sent out resumes). In all honesty, I need to be making more money, somewhere along the lines of 13+ an hour. San Diego is so damn expensive. I am pretty confident that with enough time I can land such a job.

Well I apologize in advance for dissapointing any of you who took the time to read this post. Being as it has been quite a while since an update, I am sure you might've been expecting something more grand.

So I will part you with this little peice of information.


Sneezes are like periceings, two in a row is okay, but 10 in a row is just fucking annoying.

Long live Demetri.

Peace out