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Operation Phoenix

  • May. 14th, 2010 at 2:47 PM
Wow, livejournal is still goin strong. I am at a point in my life where I think it is time for me to use this site again, but not in the same way I did when I was younger (trust me, I know none of you who want that, I surely dont, I was one little emo fuck).

To start things off, I have been worrying about the future. For most of you who know me, you are probably aware that is never been one of my traits. For the most part I go through life carefree. Now I might get easily annoyed by stupid people, or people doing annoying ass things, but for the most part, I live day by day without worry to much about what is beyond the horizon. But I turned 28 this year, and am getting so much closer to 30. For some reason, I honestly believe I should be doing something great by that age. By great I mean be in a career that I have spent my whole adulthood prepping for. Working as a Trainer at Apple Retail is not such a job. I have spend over half of the previous decade earning my BA, and am finishing my MA and looking at PhD programs. But I am realistic, so a few thoughts have been lingering in my mind.

For one, what happens if I do not get into a PhD program...This is a real possibility, one I am keeping myself aware of. I always sell myself short because well, its the best way to be prepared for the worst. I may act like I am all that and bag of chips, but I dont honestly think that (though dont get me wrong, I am extremely content with what I have accomplished, I just dont have an overinflated ego). To get back to the topic at hand, if I do not get into a PhD program, I need to find another reason to force myself to leave San Diego. San Francisco is calling me, and my girlfriend supports me moving there so she can meet me there once she graduates. But if all I really wanna do is teach history at a college level, what options will I be left with if PhD doesn't not happen. JC....but for how long...getting old is lame.

My Life

  • Jun. 8th, 2008 at 1:57 PM
So alot has happended since my last post. ALOT. So lets start from the top. A, I was recently promoted at Apple and am making good money now, it gets even better then that though. By August I will be full time with another raise, and there are a few other great cavets included in that, but I cannot publicly talk about them yet. I get to go to Cupertino this month, which is Apple HQ for training. I cannot wait.

Also, I am graduating college on the 19th of July, I then start my vacation, spending it at Comic Con, then going to Vegas the weekend after that. Have a bunch of concerts to go to, Hawaii later this fall, and a year of no school until I start my Masters.

Not much more to say then that, liven the life, hard and reaching the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally all my hard work is paying off, and it feels great. worken


  • Feb. 28th, 2008 at 1:09 PM
Yes I am alive, in a sense. At this point, and since December, I have been working two jobs (well actually since August, but now one of those jobs is different) and finishing up my degree. Currently I work at Starbucks in the morning and Apple in the later part of the day. I started at apple right before xmas as a mac specialist, and now after only a month and half, I am a Creative GYO (Grow your own). Basically that means I am being paid my Mac Specialist wage while being a Creative, its like a paid internship. But now that I am a Creative GYO, once they have openings for a full Creative, they promote from my group, so I am only one step away. So instead of wondering the floor answering question, doing sales and fixing Ipods I now do one hour one-one sessions with customers teaching them how to use a mac, iphoto, imovie, garage band, mail, address book and anything mac related. Its a great job that gives me much enjoyment and fulfillment. I guess within three months I will be full time making decent money, and best thing is they send me to Cupertino when I get promoted for a week of more training (they pay for everything). So yeah, I am loving Apple and hating starbucks (well i love my co-workers, most of them).

Outside of work, I finish school by summer and will focus on my GRE so I can start grad school in the fall of 09 (i need a break). My relationship is doing great as ever, and obivously, since I work like a mother fucker (usually 12 hours a day), money is not as a huge issue as before, which is always great, I mean I am only 600 in debt, but its debt that is paid regularly every month, so no big deal (lets not talk about school loans though -.-).

As far as my social life goes, I have started to go out with co-workers from both camps, and it has made me realize how much I miss having a social life. The greatest thing is that most the apple people I work with have very, very, simillar tastes in all aspects of life (as in culture, music, movies) as I do, so I when I get exicted about some new indie movie or band, the chances are high someone I work with knows what I am speaking of or they at least check it out, and then love it. Though there are some friends I would like to reconnect with. But other then that, my over all mood has been hovering around content, thanks mostly to working at Apple, it helps me not think about the fact that I am still far away from starting my teaching career... oh well...one day

by the way...to anyone who likes good music and also liked The Postal Service check out this band, they blow Postal Service out of the water (i still love you ben gibbard)

So yeah I am alive. As of now I am working at Starbucks and Apple Store in fashion valley as a mac specialist. I am trying my hardest to get promoted into a full time position as a Mac Creative, that would be someone who does one on one training sessions in the Ilife apps or just how to use a Mac and the operating system in general (along with the iphone and iworks and logic and such). If I get that, I will be the worlds happiest man. I am already teaching a workshop on Garage band, a music making and mixing application that comes with Ilife (for those of you people who know nothing of mac). I am going to teach myself appature as well, since I spent so many years using Photoshop.

So being that I am working two jobs (roughly about 50+ hours a week), and am stil finishing my degree (this year...I will be done in June...sweet) I have not seen anyone. But no one really seems to care about that. Dont think I am surprised or hurt, because I am not, it has just reaffirmed all my pre-conviced notions about the whole friends situation. Granted there have been a few who have attempted to hang out and they are obivously not included in this statement. But once I ended one friendship for what I see as justifable reasons, I knew and it happended, that I would be forcefully ejected from the group. It's not surprising, and in all honesty, it is only upon refelection that I even think of it. That is just how busy I am, and by the time I finally am able to slow down my life, it wont matter anymore because I have already started to build a new group of friends intermixed between starbucks and apple (the A-crew). That and I always have my girlfriend.

Other then that, I am turning 26 in less then a week, I get to see Cirque De at del mar, hopefully I will buy the tickets to the Mars Volta show (I MUST SEE THIS), I will aqquire my iphone by months end, purchase Time Capusle and a HD 32 inch TV with tax return and by summer I will have my degree and switch out my Sentra 06 for a 07 Scion TC. All will be good...hopefully...the future freaks me out...no really I am not just quoting Motion City Soundtrack...it really does

Peace out and rock out

The State Of The Union

  • Dec. 13th, 2007 at 3:01 PM
.... is sicken. I have been feeling this way for quite some time, though I haven't taken the time to write my feelings on the matter. As I get closer to the highly elusive college degree (a few months now), I have been taking more online courses (since they are all GE classes). These online history classes focus more on contemporary issues as they arose during their respective times, in addition to that I am currently taking my Cultural Diversity class as required by the University. So with all the information and debates that have been happening in those areas coupled with the countless news articles I have been reading I have become disgusted with my beloved country. Now don't get me wrong, I love where I live and am extremely luck to have been born here, but that is just the thing. I WAS LUCK, to have been born in Santee, and luck to have been born a white male. If you ever want to have the best odds of making it in life, be born white, in America, and if you can be born into a rich suburb, and you will be set for life. But that aside, what I am most disgusted with is my Government. I only call it "my" Government for its mine be definition and the Social Contract Theory. But here is the thing, this "Social Contract" is a two way contract, and for the past 8 years (well even longer if you consider other Governmental agencies besides the White House involved in this), the other party has been grossly violating it. "They", do not serve our needs. How can we expect them too? How is a room full of millionaires (i am not exaggerating here, 86% of the Senate is comprised of Millionaires), to be expected to understand what we want, or even listen to us? Would it not be human nature for them to serve their own needs? If that is so, what recourse is built into the system to fix this? Democratic accountability is nonexistent. We live in a nation run by politicians who are quick to impeach a President for lying about cheating on his wife, but yet we currently have a President who has suspended Habies Corpus, violated the privacy of all of his citizens, robbed us of our money for war the majority of the Public doesn't believe in ( and in my opinion was fucking stupid as shit for ever believing in it in the first place), and a President who condemns Theocracies in the middle east, but in the same fucking breath imposes Christian values on a nation that is the most religious diverse in the entire World. Yet no one has a problem with this, they don't think he is deserving of being prosecuted as a criminal? What because he is not a minority and didn't rob a 711, no instead he is inciting World War 3 with Iran which would cost the lives of more people then the victims of every minority or poor related crime combined.
So what get attention instead, Paris Hilton going to prison and then getting out (which apparently deserves attention of Larry King, you fucking sell out), Brittany shaving her hair, or fucking Lindsay Lohan going in and out of Rehab, or the most important story of the fucking year, WHO FATHERED THE FAT FUCK ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S LOVE CHILD....are you fucking kidding me America? Are you that stupid, I say you are not, but apathy to this extent is almost the same as plain stupidity in my book. Granted it's not entirely your fault, media and news is controlled by a select few companies who all shove the same, fake, scripted version of reality they want you to see down your throats as they convince you that the only way you can show your significant other you love them is by buying a diamond that is over priced by a factor of 100 and has put a whole nation into some of the bloodiest wars in man kind (amputee camps is all I need to say on that).
Bush and his Neo-Con cronies go on TV and news Outlets and say that the biggest threat to democracy is terrorism. Funny, I always thought Terrorism was a tactic not an actual enemy, but then again, Bush was only a C student who drank his way through college. No the biggest enemy to democracy world wide is us. We are supposed to be the World's sole superpower, but how do we chose to use it? We spend trillions of dollars, tens of thousands of lives to "instill" democracy in a country that is torn by a battle that has been going on since the death of the Prophet Mohammed, while we have an over 10% poverty rate in America, and that is based on a ridiculously made up poverty line (something like 15,000 for a basic household). FUCK, I don't even make much and I live on my own and barley make it by. We have the number one cause of Bankruptcy being medical bills due to a high percentage of US Citizens being uninsured. But hey, Private health insurance is the best right, it produces the best quality, but only for those who can afford it, after all, who needs healthy poor people running around...am I right...eh eh... -.- How sicken is it when people who work in the Health Care industry cant even afford FUCKING HEALTH CARE.
I work at a Starbucks where I run into hookers and homeless people almost hourly. Most of the homeless are either mentally off balance or addicted to meth, but hey it was due to their poor decisions right? Wrong, sure in some cases that is correct, but that is a statement that can only be made in a society that is truly built on "equal opportunity", and ours, sorry to break this to you, is most definitely not. Just look at yourself, that is if you are middle class and white like me, and compare yourself to someone you might've met who was raised in lets say La Jolla or Del Mar. Someone who never had to work a job that's sole purpose was to pay for bills. They didn't have to work 'til they graduated college, and by then their first job was their career. They never had to experience working two jobs, living paycheck to paycheck while writing papers and worrying about how many hours of sleep they will get or if they can fill up their gas tank tomorrow. Take that down a notch and compare yourself to a family of four, where both parents are working two full time jobs, and still cant manage to buy a house, let alone feed their fucking family or have a car. Their kids are sent to a public school with no official doctor for the students, outdated text books (I worked at Escondido High School district and they are using Textbooks I used in high school, which would mean they are using decade old books), and where their kids share a room with 40 other students and the teacher worked their asses off to get a contract job in which they barley make 45 a year and probably have the same in loans. No instead, America would rather concern themselves with the well being of Paris, the selfish slut, Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. My stepbrothers girlfriend actually tried to defend the behavior of Paris Hilton and her multiple DUI's (which by the way if you are normal person would ruin your life and set you back decades). I was disgusted, I cannot even fathom anyone using their intelligence to defend such a person. We care more about those who do nothing to contribute to society but look down on those who clean our facilities or make sure we see our doctor on time. It's fucking disgusting.

America and my government, you fucking disgust me, get your shit together, we cannot last forever, Rome was filled with more highly intelligent and innovative thinkers then our own government has had in decades and their golden age only lasted a hundred years, in fact I am willing to argue we left our golden age as soon as the Cold War started.

People wonder why I have anger issues more and more...just read the news or read anything said by our government and tell me how you remain so complacent...


  • Sep. 2nd, 2007 at 7:36 PM
There are so many things I want just want to yell out in some long windend emo rant. Most of it has been said before. People contiuning to judge based on archaic sterotypes in relation to gender rules. People not taking into conisderation the feelings of those they contiune to verbal berate and or put down, whether they think its in good fun or not. I am pretty sure at this point, my discontent with this mode of treatment is very obivous, but yet no one cares, and now the insults are getting more personal, and the other side is starting to see them as more funny. This no longer seems like innocent put downs, these are now aimed at the personality trates that make me who I am. The traits I actually take pride in. That is saying alot, it took me a long time to develop a self-image I am pleased with, and now it seems my friends are not. What does this mean? They are not my friends, as my girlfriend put it. That is the one conclusion that has always been in my mind, but one I never wanted to say (or type in this instance). I dont like confronation, but you know what, I dont like being made to feel that I should feel like shit for who I am. I am done.

I have a wonderful girlfriend, and new job that is actually going to be fuffilling and within a month, my money issues will no longer be a source of stress. I will actually expendenle income.

Night all. Have to be at work early.

...OMG he lives...

  • Aug. 9th, 2007 at 4:45 PM
I trully have been negelcting my LJ for quite some time and its not because my life has been uneventful. Just lacking emoness (we all know how much I love my emo). What I am dealing with now is a true geniue problem. Anger and Anxiety. My anger is getting out of control, so much that it has me worried, and I end up with a headache almost every day. This is something that never used to happen. Wether its due to drivers on the road (this is the majority, something that prior to a year ago, I had a much higher tolerence but now its getting seriously unhealthy), and many other small things that should not be affecting me as much as they are. There are times where I actually feel like I have no control and could just beat someone at any moments notice.

I wont even pretend to hypothize what the causes are, I will leave to that the therapist, that is when I finally get my ass to go to one.

As far as other things in my life, well school will rap up in May with me having my BA in History. I will either end up at SDSU for Grad studies or National Univeristy for the same thing (SDSU is my preference). As far as my relationship, it is going strong as ever, but If I dont deal with my new personal problem any time soon, that may not be the case. That is something I wont let happen, not a chance in high hell.

So last week I finally got to see "Once". What a nice little gem that movie was. It is a modern musical, or as the movie reviewers say ( and I agree), its our generatations musical, or for those of you who actually have real taste in music. The style of the music is folk (the guy) and the girl sings like that of Emilini Torrini. The movie was absolutley amazing. A fairytale with a realistic ending, shot in low budget with what I assume is a hand cam. The soundtrack is an album all on its own, but after seeing the movie, the soundtrack is elevated to a whole new level. This is a must see for all music lovers, or indie movie lovers, or anyone with any sort of taste.

Other then that, life is actually kinda blah. I haven't done anything worthy of boasting about this whole summer. Its sad, no AX, no vacation, no leaving town. Its the first time in over five years that this is the case, and I think that is part of the reason why I am sorta down. I have not had my annual recharge, and I desperatley need it. It doesn't matter if the year has gone well or bad, I this week out of town is a must. It revitialitizes me, lets me refocus on what I need to take care of, and leaves me wanting to go back home. I am being sucked in by the monintunity of life, an endless chain of what seems to be emotionless events, one after another (yeah that was too emo, sorry.)

Oh and one other thing, I have concluded that the news has gotten to the point where I can no longer read it, even the BBC. Everything I read just either depresses me or fills me with so much anger that I have to stop reading. This is why I think reality TV is so huge (besides the fact that it appeals to the lowest common demnomator). It is a distraction from reality (how ironic I know, but we all know these shows are scrippted, they are so comfartable with doing it that the producers dont even try to hide it anymore, its really that bad).

One final thing, I find myself seriously lacking friends these days, or losing contact with friends that I enjoyed talking to. This saddens me greatly, it may just be the nature of life, but I would like to think its something I can remedy. Lets hope so. Because I think the current friends I have, or the ones who I see with any sort of frequencey no longer see me as an equal and the signs are only getting worse). Anyways,

I hope life is treating all of you well, I really do ^_^

The Summer thus far

  • Jul. 10th, 2007 at 5:57 PM
So its been a while since I have updated this thing, or any of my blogs for that matter. These past few months have been some of the most stressful ones of my entire life. I finally realized this as I started to get sick when the stress was subsiding last week, in addition to this my temper is getting very bad, and anger issues are starting to rise...no bueno.

So bad things of the summer:
Transfer stores and still have a shitty manager
Car Stolen (but found)
Found out not graduating til Feb
Money Issues

Good things:
Live free or die hard
Transformers (hell yeah it was that fucking awesome)
New Iron and Wine single
the days i get to see my girlfriend (even though they are rare this summer)
Money issues being resvoled (so close...i am quite proud i was able to take care of everything in a short few months)
Summer Pop/Punk Albums (PlayRadioPlay, All Time Low, The Starting Line, Motion City Soundtrack, Cartel...Warped Tour)

Other then that I dont have much else to report. My relationship is still going strong (wont be ending any time soon), school is well, I just need to start grad school (Fall 08' baby). Work is well, i just need to last til i start grad school and quit ( cant wait for that day). There are something I want to do before the year ends, but unless i find another job, it may prove difficult to accomplish them.

Peace Out


  • Jun. 18th, 2007 at 7:40 PM
First off lets all read this statement .

"As a result of his appointment, she said, the US would resume diplomatic contacts with the Palestinians, suspended since Hamas came to power after winning elections in January 2006." (BBC News).

Amazing, that the USA, the biggest Democratic goverment in the world, who preaches that they are the vangard for promotion democracy in the Middle East, refuse to acknowlgde a goverment that was chosen via popular vote. It angers me beyond belief, along with many other things I have read over the past months, and the Presidental debates (both Rep and Dem). Its all so angering to me I can no longer rant about it.

That aside, here are my future plans for school after talking to someone who is helping me out.

Masters Thesis (at SDSU)-- The role of Religon (Mainly Christianty and Islam) in Genocide.

PhD Thesis--- A compartive historical study of genocide in three different instances (Rwanda, Darfur, Serbia) post Holocaust and the International Genvova convention on Genocide.

Dont have much more to say as of now.

Peace out


  • May. 18th, 2007 at 9:57 AM
I am now carless...my fucking car was stolen this morning right in front of my house...what did i lose in the process...My ipod (hidden in the center counsole), my new 130 dollar white blazer from Express, boogie board and board shorts. So now I have to wait for the insurance to write a check so i can get a new car...lame

Maybe now I can get my Scion TC .... *sigh*